SELF REJECTION

5 min readMay 19, 2022

By Peter Maswi (Mental Health Advocate)

Imagine if you had to be with someone every single second, a person that you don’t accept, let alone love, it wouldn’t be so pleasant, right? Now imagine rejecting yourself.

Self-rejection is a form of self-sabotage. It typically occurs after we convince ourselves we aren’t “good enough.” You might start out dwelling a little more than usual on your failures or flaws, whether they’re big or small. Then, you might progress to thinking your downfalls mean you aren’t cut out for success.

It means constantly telling yourself “NO” — because you don’t believe in yourself.

The worst of our self-rejection is self-punishment, we tolerate abuse and torture from others by entering into toxic relationships because we think we don’t deserve better.

Hints on how we reject ourselves to please others. (The reason we don’t post our reality on social media: )

1. Dwelling on the question that killed the dreams of most people: WHAT WILL OTHERS THINK OF ME?

- Thinking, “If people know me, they wouldn’t love me.”

2. Negative thoughts like, “I am not a hero/ heroine to be cheered and celebrated by others, I am a “meme” for others to laugh at. Why would I be real if People judge and laugh at everyone who falls, makes mistakes, is rejected, humiliated, broken, depressed, or is imperfect and share in social media as memes for the whole world to see how bad and weak I am? I have to fake a smile before a camera, I have to look smart and borrow a car to ask my crush/ girlfriend for a date.

3. Comparing yourself with others. We tend to compare our lives with others by trying to look successful and happy because everyone on social media sites like Instagram and Snapchat looks happy and successful. Forcing to get married because your classmates are married already.

- For instance, when we meet our schoolmates after some years the first thing they ask is what are we doing so that they can put us in a category that determines how they should treat us.

4. Living to meet the standards set by society: We tend to reject ourselves because the society we live in has standards we don’t qualify for. I am stupid and a loser because I didn’t qualify for Medical or Law School.

- For example, I have a bachelor’s degree how will my friends in the village see me if they knew I work in a car wash?

- I want to abort because I fear that society will judge me and call me bad names for getting pregnant before marriage.

- I am not beautiful because I don’t have a flat belly and big buttocks.

- I am not good or talented enough like my brother that’s why Dad and Mom love him more than I.

5. Self-rejection because we are rejected by others. I am an alcoholic because my wife left me saying I am not a man enough or because I was raised by an alcoholic uncle.

How can we grow beyond self-rejection?

SELF ACCEPTANCE/ SELF LOVE.

1. According to Aarushi Tewari, Self-acceptance is embracing yourself just as you are. There are no conditions attached. You accept yourself fully. As you choose to accept yourself, use mindful meditation, and take your time to reflect on the part of yourself that you have not fully embraced.

2. Turn to God for support: The Courage to listen to the inner voice calling us God’s sons and daughters. Our Heavenly Father loves each of us as we are beyond our comprehension. Nothing can separate us from the love of God (Rom. 8:38–39). He is loving and forgiving, He welcomes us back as the father did to his prodigal son.

3. Be kind to yourself: We need to remember that all of this will take time, patience, and repeated efforts. We can’t force ourselves to feel something. Remember that it’s not going to happen right when you decide to.

4. Forgive Yourself and Let live. Unless you forgive yourself you will always be in prison. Let go of the past and start afresh.

5. The strength to overcome our fears and set ourselves free from the prison of negative words declared against us.

6. Daily prayer and practice of mindfulness meditation and positive affirmations.

7. Redefine our lives and create our happiness and success instead of forcing us to be who are not. Apply Law 25: ”Recreate Yourself,” from the 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene. Do not accept the roles that society foists on you. Re-create yourself by developing a new identity, one that commands attention and never bores the audience. Be the master of your image rather than letting others define it for you.

8. Set new life and career agreements. Read The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Luiz. Nothing can hurt you without your consent — Hellen Keller. What other people say about you has nothing to do with you but how you respond is completely your choice and responsibility.

9. Replace your bad habits with good ones by changing your circle of friends, the programs (Movies and Series) you watch on TV, the books you read, and the places you visit. The tree is known for its fruits. Show me your friends I will tell you your behavior. Show me the books you read and I will tell you who you will become in 5 years.